Breaking Free from Alcohol: Boosting Confidence
Breaking Free from Alcohol: Boosting Confidence
How to stop using alcohol as a confidence crutch
Choosing sobriety can bring about positive changes in your health and financial well-being. It's a realization that those memes about hangovers in your late 20s or 30s hold a grain of truth. For some, including myself, going alcohol-free isn't just about health but also about preserving mental well-being. However, when you still want to be part of the social scene in bars, clubs, or parties where alcohol flows freely, it can create a challenging situation.
As social beings, the need to belong to a community or tribe can give rise to social anxiety, where the fear of judgment or rejection triggers anxiety. Dr. Ellen Hendriksen, a clinical psychologist and author, explains, "We get anxious in social situations because, with social anxiety, there is a sense that people will judge or reject us." This anxiety prompts us to hide our perceived vulnerabilities and strive to conceal our insecurities. Alcohol often serves as a crutch to mitigate these feelings by making us feel uninhibited and less sensitive to criticism.
Yet, experts and those with personal experiences have advice on how to achieve the same level of self-assurance without relying on alcohol.
Developing Authentic Confidence
The use of alcohol to boost confidence has become deeply ingrained in our culture. Over time, it becomes a socially acceptable way to reduce inhibitions. But true self-confidence begins with recognizing the false beliefs that underpin this habit. First, the belief that what we're trying to avoid is inherently dangerous or harmful. Second, the belief that we can't cope with unexpected challenges in social situations. Both beliefs are rooted in the assumption that the worst-case scenario is the most probable outcome.
To gain confidence without alcohol, you need to break free from these limiting beliefs. This process involves acknowledging that you can handle any situation, even when your brain has conditioned you to believe otherwise. Overcoming these beliefs takes time and starts with facing your fears head-on.
While it may sound clichéd, putting yourself out there and facing your fears is essential. Avoiding situations due to fear of potential negative outcomes only reinforces those fears. Millie Gooch, the founder of Sober Girl Society, and Amanda Kuda, a sober living coach, share their experiences of overcoming their alcohol dependence and building authentic confidence. For Gooch, the transition was challenging, as her comfort blanket, alcohol, was suddenly taken away. However, she persevered and found that each outing became more manageable.
Kuda emphasizes that true courage is required when stepping out of your comfort zone. She believes that real confidence comes from conquering challenges without alcohol. As you build evidence of your ability to handle social situations without relying on alcohol, social life becomes less intimidating.
Seeking help from a therapist can be beneficial, especially through cognitive behavioral therapy or acceptance and commitment therapy, which reframes thoughts and fosters self-acceptance.
Practical Strategies for Confidence
Alongside inner work, there are immediate strategies to boost your confidence at events:
Keep a nonalcoholic drink in hand: Holding a drink can provide a physical anchor and something to do with your hands, much like when drinking alcohol.
Focus on your reasons: Reminding yourself why you're not drinking can reinforce your confidence in your decision to challenge yourself.
Be honest with friends: Gooch found that telling her friends about her discomfort removed its power.
Bring a sober friend: Attending events with someone who also abstains from drinking can make you feel less alone in your choice.
Don't overprepare: While it's helpful to have a few topics in mind, overpreparing can make you appear rigid and prevent your brain from adapting to dynamic situations.
Facing social settings without alcohol can seem daunting, but the rewards are substantial. Over time, benefits include improved mental health, physical well-being, reliability, and productivity. Confidence gained through sobriety is more authentic and sustainable, leading to transformation in various aspects of life.
If you or someone you know is struggling with alcohol use disorder, there are helplines and support services available for treatment and assistance.
[Note: This content is based on information available as of September 2021, and there may have been developments or updates on this topic since that time.]
